Ask Dr. Amy

Spring Love

So it's Springtime. Bird's are chirping, the sun is shining, and the trees are blooming. Spring is also known for blooming love. But, really if you're single do you really care what time of year it is when love blooms? I think not. But 'love blooming' if it exists, may mean something entirely different in today's dating world. Gone are the days when men mainly 'court' women. Women pursue men. Men and women meet in cyberspace. The online dating industry makes more money than any other on the internet. So there's a whole new dating culture out there for singles. No more do people need to go to bars, to meet someone. They can pay 30$ a month, and have a limitless supply of the opposite sex. What an opportunity...one would think.

Online dating is an evolving culture, with an entirely different set of rules. You can say and do things online that you might never say or do in a bar when meeting someone initially, for example. And yes, I realize that when yous ee someone in a bar, you don't have to worry about whether they 'really look like their picture.' There are many more "let's hang out" before we've ever met (a.k.a. have sex) than "Can I take you out to dinner?" Does hoping into bed immediately make for a better, stronger, or longer lasting relationship? I honestly don't know. I do know that it happens frequently, and 40 years ago, it would have been taboo-for both men and women. Yes, chemistry and sexual attraction rank high in priority, but what about the qualities of comfortability, trust, and honesty? Where do those qualities fit in once you've had sex immediately? can you go to 5th gear and return to 1st? Again, I don't know. I do know that however you behave, sex immediately or not, you've got be okay with your own behavior. Otherwise, the person that you're interacting with is going to feel the fall out of your own feelings about yourself.

If you send an email, and wish to remain anonymous, just let me know. Send your questions here. I look forward to hearing from you!

-Amy B. Trachter,Psy.D.,Ph.D.

If you'd like to share your thoughts about love, life, and relationships, please contact me wherever you can. We really want to hear from you! Speaking of happiness, joy, and love, the holidays are just around the corner. Check out our holiday articles and be sure to send in your stories of romance so we can share them with others! And don't forget to read this month's Dr. Amy column!

Amy B. Trachter, Psy.D.,Ph.D. is the Director of Development and Operations for Romance Channel, a subsidiary of MetroGuide.com. She is a licensed clinical psychologist in Florida and New York; her California licensure is pending. She is also an Adjunctive Assistant Professor of Clinical Medicine at the Miller School of Medicine University of Miami. Click here to reach Dr. Amy via email.